She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize