i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
