I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
