508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your cock deserves a montage
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize