How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
