im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize