She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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