That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
