I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
