I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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