census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just cropdusted the office
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
