he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
