i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
