did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize