I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
