i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
