So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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