So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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