i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
