u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
