I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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