new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
