Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize