I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
