So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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