Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
