Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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