So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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