Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
