i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
