By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
