I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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