i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
