I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
