What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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