I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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