I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
