either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
