dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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