Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
