I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
