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tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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