I should be sponsored by Trojan
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
