Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
