We're like a lot better than the average bears
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize