found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
