out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
