Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
