Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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