Pappa wants mamma naked
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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