i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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