Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
