guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
