The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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