And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize