The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
