i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
