Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
