im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
