You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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