Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
