bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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