Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
