Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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