Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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