its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
