I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
